folklorist | ϡ - Appointments Post

[ It helps when you're both not so good with contact to begin with. Helios will blink. ] O-Oh.

I-I can see why. [ Slightly nicer touch...

Helios inwardly shivers at the memory of what he did. Not him but another him but it was still him. It was so wrong...why is that most bad memories stuck so well? Helios might or might not notice that gaze as he's trying to form a coherent apology again, hold on. ]

I-I'm sorry a-again for what happened. And I'm sorry I'm not the best at this sort of-of thing. [ He means hugging. ]

[Not good, indeed. Robert's always an awkward mess when he does this kind of stuff... not that he doesn't want to, for once, but it's so obvious he rarely does it.]

... It's... alright, Helios; it certainly wasn't your fault, any more than it was mine.

... A-And I am... incompetent, too. So p-please don't trouble yourself...

[Robert's small hand finds its way to Helios' cold one, and might take it gently if Helios allows.]

[ Not used to that touching, especially his hands of all places, Helios might pull his hand away a little. ]

Of-of course. I just felt the need to apologize again for my ac-actions.

Edited 2011-05-09 21:51 (UTC)

[And the pulling away means Robert's hand just hesitates in midair before dropping down to his side. He's used to uncomfortable hand-holding as a means to express affection, and feels kind of stymied without it.]

... I'm... j-just glad everything between us is... still there.

[Is that a bit of inflection on "everything"? Robert bites his lip gently and looks off to the side a little, willing himself not to flush.

It doesn't work.

Suddenly he kind of wants to either cling closer or scoot away. He does neither thing and instead sits there and looks almost ashamed of himself. Stupid polyamorous feeling things...]

[ Helios is sorry Robert, and he blinks noting what he just did. ] Ah! S-Sorry. I-I didn't mean to d-do that. I'm just not...used to it.

[ Helios notes the other's actions. It's strange their...relationship. Mainly because they both recall those kisses so vividly and even if Helios wants to put that behind him, the treatment of the Malnosso...he still remembers. Very clearly and very easily how it felt. Helios just sits there, rigid as a plank of wood. He's lost as to what to do mainly because it's been such a long time. ]

I'm glad as well. It-it really shouldn't matter since it was hardly our doing. B-But the fact it happened still matters.

... I'm... not used to this, either. [Not even after four months. And certainly he isn't used to Helios. ~~Is it paradoxical that the cold skin actually helps?~~]

B-but, if you d-don't want to... it's alright.

[Oh yes, their relationship is very strange. There's an almost unspoken-since-Robert's-confession sense of quiet longing for the headmaster from the scientist, but it isn't one that's actively acknowledged. Still, it almost continually raises its head, as much as its existence makes Robert almost irrationally guilty.]

...

It... does matter, I suppose. But... but it shouldn't i-influence anything.

[So why does this continue to influence him? Robert wonders if the Malnosso want him to want Helios, want him to ruin the first relationship he's had in five years.]

Th-thank you. [ He might fidget a little in his seat. Looking to busy himself he'll take another cookie. ]

No of course not... [ Other factors are there to influence it instead. Too much trauma and too much being away from anyone who thought he was a decent person to be acceptable for such intimacy. ] It doesn't influence anything.

Edited 2011-05-10 02:56 (UTC)

[Robert takes a cookie as well, because he wants something in his hands to replace the empty feeling there.

He eats the cookie without really paying attention to it.

A little part of him wishes that this had influenced things... but, no. He shouldn't feel this way.

Monoamory is safer and easier, regardless, and besides Helios doesn't want it.]

... I-I have to a-apologize to, for... for, well... the d-discomfort. [I'm sorry for wanting you still even though I shouldn't.]

[ Helios hunches a little and then shakes his head. ] You're not the one to b-blame for my discomfort. It's-it's other things that cause it as well. [ He gives Robert an apologetic look. ]

Please don't feel the need to aplogize.

P-Perhaps I'm simply... worried, for you. I mean...

... y-you must be a little lonely, without Giles...

[A pang goes through Robert as he says this. Jealousy, just a little bit, still clinging to that like a film. He needs to find some way to wipe that film off.]

I hope h-he comes back soon. H-He must be a very good friend.

[Robert knows he's not nearly that good...]

Worried? [ Helios looks surprised. He's not used to people being worried about him really. ] N-No need. I'm sure he'll be back soon. B-Besides there's Frederic an-and you and everyone else.

[ Helios looks down at his hands in his lap. Giles is a very good friend possibly one of the best he's ever had actually. ]

I-I just hope they don't do anything too harsh. Mm but that's never the case for the Malnosso.

I... certainly hope they treat him well...

[And Robert is aware of this, which is uncomfortable because he keeps wanting to be a good friend and keeps questioning his ability to be.]

The Malnosso are always... harsh.

...

Though... I spoke to... Ms. Molly, and she seemed...

... I don't know. Perhaps I am simply being sentimental.

They ought to. [ After everything him and Helios went through, yeah, they definately should. ]

They just...don't care.

Molly...Molly. [ It sounds so familiar. ] Ah! That girl...during the festival wasn't it? She...she didn't seem so bad actually.

It's hard to say what the people are like. But basing it on the scientist's actions alone...I don't think it's fair. [ But what else have they seen besides that? ]

She... was s-so very nervous, like I am.

...

And she remembered my name. [That makes him feel okay for some reason.]

... I was considering contacting her for a request. Or... even... simply to speak to her.

[Robert looks awkward here because he knows it sounds ridiculous. Chatting up a member of the Malnosso? Pfft.

... Which is why he's telling Helios, and not somebody who'd be cruel about it.]

There's no question that they're h-horrible. But I-I don't think they're all the same as the scientists.

There has to be a good few people on that side. [ Helios won't be cruel about it because he wants to think there is some hope. He knows that you can't judge an entire group by the actions of one subset of it. ]

It might be good to do so. Perhaps just to keep in contact, it's the people you know sometimes that can make all the difference.

Giles didn't seem particularly convinced by that line of reasoning. But I suppose I am willing to consider the prospect of peaceable negotiation far more than other people.

[Robert sighs a little bit.] I just... wonder if it would be worth it.

[He hopes it would be.]

Ah, yes, well I can imagine why. [ Giles' world is vastly different. Talking was probably the last method of reasoning anyone used to get a point across. ]

You never know until your try, hm? [ Helios will give Robert a reassuring like and a small smile too. ]

His world is so... violent. [Robert says this almost in a sad way.] He claims he wouldn't know what to do with himself on Terra. [Helios, why is your friend so confusing?]

...

And I suppose you're right.

I mean, I'm not generally the optimistic sort, but...

I don't think I would either! No magic or anything like that. And all that...technology. [ He might die in the dramatic I-don't-know-what-to-do way. ]

It helps. Being optimistic I mean.

[This saddens Robert a little bit. He'd been hoping, one day in the maybe-distant future, that Helios could go to Terra with him. Not stay there forever, of course, but... visit awhile. The thought that his friend wouldn't be able to stand his home is a saddening one.]

... You'd really be lost on Terra...?

... I mean, I've adjusted well enough to Luceti. But it's nothing like home... So backwards in nearly everything. [He exhales slowly, almost sadly.] ... I would've hoped that most people would want something better, but...

... I would've wanted you to visit Terra with me... But would you even want to be there?

[Robert doesn't know if he should feel rejected or not.]

Oh. Robert. I-I didn't mean...it like that. I'd love to visit you world. I'd love to visit a lot of people's world actually.

[ Helios might actually put a hand on Robert's shoulder truly a new motion for him because it is, like everything else, clumsily done. ]

I wouldn't mind seeing it at all. I'm just...not very good at the whole technology thing, you know. But I suppose going to your world would be a learning experience. First hand is always best I'd like to say.

[Robert doesn't quite flinch at the hand on his shoulder, but it does make him startle a little. He calms a moment later and blinks almost owlishly at Helios.]

... I would be honoured to show you around, Helios...

... and I would like to see your world too, one day... And other peoples' worlds, as well.

... It would be nice to be able to take people home with me, b-but I would not wish for them to be unable to return to their homes as well...

[ Helios will take his hand away dropping it back to his side almost as quickly as he put it on Robert's shoulder. ]

I would be delighted to see your world, actually. A place without violence...it sounds almost mythological. [ Just a laugh. ]

The no magic policy might be a bit tricky getting used to also.

[Robert finds himself wishing that Helios had allowed the touch just a little longer, but he pushes that away.]

Perhaps in some ways it is, for many people. After all, I thought magic, gods, souls and the like were myths too, but they are just as real to you as true peace is to me... [As sad as that is.]

... And I expect your magic simply wouldn't work on Terra, altogether. Not that I can prove that directly, per se, but considering that you couldn't make your spell work when I drew the circle for it, I'd say that is a fairly accurate indication.

I wonder what other discrepancies might arise...

[Such as, y'know, that curse that Helios has that Robert doesn't know about at all.]

I sometimes wish peace was as simple to achieve as it sounds in your world. I know it's taken quite a long time to make it as far as it has in your world. Working towards peace makes it seem so hard though.

[ Helios looks surprised at that and then thoughtful. It was true what Robert said though, his spell hadn't worked at all and perhaps it did have something to do with Robert's worldly mechanics. ]

It does bring up a good few questions indeed. A place where magic doesn't work...hm.

ϡ - Appointments Post

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