folklorist | ϡ - Appointments Post

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ϡ - Appointments Post

This post here is for personal conversations which should happen but one or both of us doesn't want to put up a new post/log and thus we will just thread it out here. This can be used to thread with Helios anytime and anywhere. This can either be in person (with action), or via the journal's call feature (voice and/or written).

When replying to this post please mark in the subject line when and how it is taking place EX:
[Action, March 11th]
[Voice, September 8th]
[Written, June 10th]

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[ Helios almost takes a step back out of habit. But he manages to will himself not to do so. He'll look back at the empty kitchen and just nod slightly. ] If-if you want to. I-I can do it otherwise. It's...it's no trouble, really.

I want to.

[He needs to - needs to invest his mind in something that isn't... the reality of the situation.

So instead he slowly walks towards the kitchen, doing everything with the tired, slow rhythm of a waking dream.]

... wh-when did you... first... f-find out...?

[ Helios knows the reasons. So he doesn't object to the other's help. There's a small hitched breath as he looks away. ]

This morning.

[Robert shudders at that. The mental image of him waking to find Don absent crawls, unbidden, to the forefront of his consciousness, and it stabs into him like a hot brand.

He exhales slowly, then turns to the tea preparation, taking it slowly and methodically, drowning his feelings in unnecessary motion. He's so distracted that he does the same opening ritual three times and finds himself re-sorting the just-sorted teabags.]

...

... This... h-happened before... c-correct...?

He... he c-could come back...

It did. [ The reply is small and lacking in everything that would usually be acceptable for Helios. No optimism no...nothing. It was different this time because he knew what Giles was going back to. And it wasn't fair. None of this was fair. Two times. It's so hard still regardless. ]

H-He could, yes. I-I suppose that...that counts for something.

[Robert doesn't know. Not yet.

Perhaps he never will.

But at the moment...]

I... I can hope... I will hope...

B-But. But I... I know it is... n-not the same... I am not... the s-same, but... but I w-will try my best... t-to, to be here for you...

[Even the scent of tea doesn't soothe.]

I hope so too. [ Because if anything? Giles deserved to live, he deserved better than to be sent back to that. Anyone with that in their future did.

He unconsciously rubs the palm of his bad hand. He looks up sharply back at Robert. ] Stop. Y-You've...you've already done so much for me in these last few days. A-After everything I've dumped on you. Thank you, Robert. [ You don't even know how grateful he is for this. ]

[Robert stops at Helios' words. It's true, he's done a lot - but only because he thinks Helios has done just as much.]

... W-We... we need each other... [This reminds him of his earlier conversation, but this "need" doesn't have an undertone of anything.] ... E-Especially right now...

... you help me s-so much too... all I can do to r-repay that is... is worth it.

[The tea, finally brewed, sends up a coil of fragrant steam, and Robert pours a cup for himself slowly.]

[ He tears up just a little. No. No. He is not doing this right now. Not in front of Robert, who he knows will only get worried and try to help in any way possible. The word need has a slight undertone to him, though. Oddly enough it's...a strange unfamiliar feeling in the pit of his stomach but he brushes it off as nothing. ] W-We all d-do. I-I just. I just wanted to say thank you.

F-For dealing with this. F-For dealing with me a-and everything that's happened.

[ His lip quivers slightly but he quickly takes a sip of his tea using both hands as he does so. ] He might comeback again.

[ And in that case he might also leave again. The pain would never be any different no matter how many times it happened. This time though it hurts just a little bit more because of everything he told Giles on Monday. ]

[Robert does catch the glistening in Helios' eyes, but he doesn't comment yet. It's okay if Helios needs to cry. Robert is here for him no matter what... nothing will change that.

And so when Helios says that, he manages a wavering smile, through his own sadness.]

... You are... s-so very welcome...

... Th-thank you, in t-turn, for... putting up with... m-me as well...

[He steps a little closer, letting the steam from their tea cups wreath them both, and drops his tone.]

... i-if Giles does... does return again, I... I th-think he would... w-w... w-want us to be... happy, for him...

... I... I w-will miss him, but... but we will... h-honour his memory, and... and hope he will r-return...

[At the end, his voice does break, and he has to choke back a small sob despite his weak smile.]

Happy for him... [ But he isn't, because returning would mean that he's back from whatever afterlife he was sent to. Back from being nothing and not...not alive. Not anything anymore. Helios swallows thickly blinking rapidly and looking away. ]

Of course that's...that's all we can do, isn't it? [ Helios might give a small sob of his own. Wiping away those tears before they can fall. He's been trying to keep his composure this entire day. It just doesn't seem worth to do it anymore though. Or perhaps he just...lacks the energy to. ]

[After a moment, Robert puts his tea down and quietly steps closer, offering Helios a weak, gentle hug.

He doesn't know if the other man will take it, but the suggestion is to cry on his shoulder.]

... I... I am... a-always here for you, Helios... n-no matter what...

[... as much as the Malnosso allow, at least.]

... you... c-can cry, if... if you n-need to...

I-I know and I'm...I'm thankful f-for that.

[ He stiffens ever so slightly at that embrace. But he just...bites back a sob and shakes his head, turning his attention to the floor as he does so. No. No he has to be strong and he can't...he can't throw this on Robert on top of everything else. He goes to wipe at his eyes with the back of his hand. His voice cracking slightly as he replies. ] I-I'll be alright. Th-thank you.

[It's not throwing it on someone when that person willingly accepts the burden.

As such, Robert just presses into Helios' chest, repeating almost breathily against him:] ... wh-whatever you need... I am here for.

... I... I d-do not mind...

[And it's not like Helios is the only one here who could use a good cry.]

[ It is when you never wanted anyone else to willingly take it. ]

N-No it's fine. I-I'll be alright. [ Even as he speaks that lie his eyes burn and his throat hurts as it feels like it's closing. It shouldn't be this hard but it wasn't fair. None of this was fair. ]

[He wants Helios to trust him, to trust him enough to let go and let those feelings loose - he wants Helios to understand it's okay, that they know what this pain is like, that they can suffer it together.

He doesn't want Helios to be alone.]

... Please...

[Please let him ease these pains.]

[ There's a shuddering sigh as Helios moves away. He doesn't want to bother Robert not with this pain. Not with the pain of losing someone as close to him as Giles was. A friend...no, a brother. He was gone forever there was no more life for him back home and it hurts so much to think about.

He looks down at his shaking hands the injured one still unable to fully close, even now, even after all this time. Helios purses his lips biting his lower lip gently. ] It's al-alright. I'll be alright.

I am always here... always.

You often say you are... a-alright, but... but I know you h-hide things from me sometimes...

[Robert looks down at his own hands, the fingers curling gently.] You... c-can be honest, for once. I do not mind... all I want is to h-help.

[ And Giles wasn't. He knows it wasn't the others fault but it still hurts. He hurt him and then left and now he did it again and was gone, completely, for good. ] Everyone misses him. B-But we...we have to be strong for one another and so I...

[ He can't cry. Not now when so many people need him. ]

[Robert needs Helios to be honest with himself, if nothing else. If that means he needs to cry, then that's what it means.]

Not right n-now, Helios. Nobody has to be... s-strong, right now...

[ There's a hitched breath. ] But G-Ginia and-and Grune and Buffy. They-they n-need someone to help them t-too.

[ He shakes his head pulling away from Robert slightly. ] I'll be alright.

[ Because Helios keeps his emotions and feelings bottled up. It's what he does it's how he's learned to cope. That crushing loneliness is pushed to the side for some gratitude and appreciation which is directed at Robert. He'll wipe at his eyes with a shaky hand. ] Thank you though. I-I appreciate it. I-I...I miss him. But, but so do a lot of people.

Edited 2012-02-21 20:07 (UTC)

[Well, Robert isn't about to force Helios to do anything. He has never been that kind of person.

All he does is let a soft smile flicker across his features - strained and weak as it is, it's genuine.]

... Please d-do whatever... is best for you, Helios...

... I... I j-just want you to... to know that I am always here for you. A-Always.

No matter what... if you n-need anything...

[And it helps with his own pain, too, to have something to distract him.]

... Do you... w-want to do something...? P-Perhaps... read, together...? Or... or... [Anything that would distract him, really.]

Reading...that, that sounds nice. It's s-something Giles and I did when I...when I couldn't. [ He'll blink back some more tears at that memory. When he died for the other and Frederic in that jungle. Giles and him went to the boat and just...sat and read together.

It was nice and peaceful and it made him genuinely happy. ] Thank you Robert.

[Oh, he sees those tears - but he won't comment this time. He remembers that dark time - the pain of knowing Helios was gone for awhile... Even a short while.

... Reading is nice.]

Wh-what would you... like to read...?

[At this point Robert will read anything with him...]

A favourite... b-book, perhaps? [There's an obvious stumble there - Robert instinctively wants to say "text".]

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ϡ - Appointments Post

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