folklorist | ϡ - Chapter TwentyOne; Return [action/voice]

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ϡ - Chapter TwentyOne; Return [action/voice]

[ There’s the sound of shaky uneven breathing coming over the transmission and then a cough or two. It’s almost as if the person on the other side is a bit startled, a bit confused and a bit in pain. The sharp intake of breath and the murmured exclamation of surprise doesn’t really yield anymore good results for those listening in. ] I-I can’t…

[ Helios can’t see more specifically he can’t see out of his right eye and it’s very troublesome if not startling. As if he didn’t run into things frequently enough—now this was just added to it. Next will come a painful humorless laugh very odd and uncharacteristic from his lips. But how could a man who has perfect vision not laugh at now only having half his vision. The Malnosso have a sick sense of humor indeed. ] Oh how very ironic of them. [ A sigh. ]

I’m back. I’m terribly sorry…to have worried anyone. But I'm fine.

[ Such a lie. It’s said in a very tired voice not the usual flair or characteristic upbeat tone the man usually has. ] I-I’ll be back to the apartment shortly, in a moment, I just need to-- [ It was supposed to be a healing spell and yet it went so very wrong. There's a sharp yell of pain on his end before a breathless confused one worded exclamation. ] Wh-what!?

[ The transmission will be abruptly cut off and if you’re anywhere in the town square today you can see a blonde haired man slumped against a building his right hand over his right eye and half of his face covered in freshly drawn blood, no thanks to a healing spell backfiring on him of course, also his entire right side seems to be bloodied like the Malnosso only worked on that half of him. If he wasn’t in pain he’d be making it back to the apartment by now but as it stands the blood lose plus lacking sight isn’t helping any. The feed is turned on again after he’s gotten a fair handle on himself. He really just doesn’t want to alarm anyone right now that’s just how he is. ] I’m going to need some...some more t-time. Perhaps some...assistance as well. My apologies.

[Helios is not going to say what’s wrong but you’ll probably find out through his voice alone something unforeseen has occurred, because it’s riddled with confusion. How could this have happened; he was just trying to heal himself and now…this. They did something his spells that was the only clear definitive answer. Now he just needed to figure out how to fix it. Helios will be staggering to his feet and leaning against the side of the building as he makes his way back to C7. ]

(( ooc; No posting order and time and space are broken. Who needs chronological events anyway? So multiple people can help him. He totally needs it anyway. ))

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[Robert hadn't had these feelings for eight years - not that he couldn't, though, so much as he never had wanted to allow it - and they were uncomfortably new but at the same time something he really, really wanted again now.]

... I cannot say I would know, Helios. But perhaps they know a means of which to reverse the physics of your magic. Were you perhaps trying to heal yourself, then? [Because that seems like the most logical conclusion to the situation.]

I certainly hope so. [Robert draws up a basin of warm water.] ... Ah, Helios. [He drops his voice low, briefly, realizing that this might be an uncomfortable topic.] ... what with your, er, skin temperature - that's... that's typical, right? For you. [It's obvious Robert wants to ask, but he doesn't, merely continues his train of thought.] I simply would like to know how that might affect your perception of the water temperature - I wouldn't wish to burn you whilst cleaning your wounds. [And Robert's already fetching a clean, sterile cloth pad to do this with.]

[ That is probably the most logical explanation enough to get a nod out of him. ] Curses, hexes they usually give similar results but the Malnosso... [ He merely shakes his head. They probably just messed around with his magic as Robert suggested. ] I...was. [ He motions or tries to it results in a very pronounced wince and a slight hiss of pain. ] Instead it did this.

[ His eye widens and oh good lord. His skin...the other knew about his skin. Of course he did they kissed only a week ago and how could you forget someone feeling several degrees colder than you? More embarrassing was that Robert apparently remembered Valentine's Day. This was just wonderful. His mind raced as he jaw clenched and unclenched. Swallowing again he'll answer as steady as possible. ] It's f-fine. Hot water I mean...it doesn't do much. I just...can't handle extremely hot things.

[ He is just too embarrassed to even look at the other anymore. This was so not how he expected things to turn out. ]

I could learn to despise the Malnosso quite thoroughly at this rate. [Robert's tone is grim.] They have been nothing but the most hideous imbeciles for this past week... ... I'll certainly have to fill you in on that.

[Then those... reactions. Helios looked downright panicked that Robert had asked. Though Robert could barely fathom why...]

Ah, that's good to know. I wouldn't have wished to cause any more trauma. [Now why won't Helios look at him anymore? Robert carefully wets the cloth pad and washes Helios' skin - well, whatever skin he can get to.] Please tell me if any areas are too tender, Helios...

... Is there something wrong, by the way?

They don't make it very hard to do so. [ A light laugh? Yeah he'll just laugh a little because this is all so very ridiculous and only measuring up to get more awkward. ] Fill me in on what?

[ Helios will bite back a hiss at the stinging pain brought on by the scientist's ministrations. He also will shift in his seat as if the constant touching is rather uncomfortable. He's used to being banged up so it's not so bad but he's also used to fixing his wounds by himself. ]

Wrong? [ A nervous twitter of a laugh. ] No-No of course not. [ You just know about his skin and remember kissing him a week ago. And he remembers kissing you. Nothing wrong whatsoever. His vision is still diverted from Robert instead he will focus on the floor of the clinic some more. This is probably going to get more awkward, isn't it? ]

Ah, well, the Malnosso drafted many villagers lately into some barbaric war, including Doctor Mizuno Ami. [Robert gnaws his lip anxiously.] I only hope that she is... faring well. [Because he doesn't really want to think about her fighting.]

Ah, my apologies. These cuts must be extremely painful. [Robert washes carefully, slowly, wiping away the crusted dried blood around Helios' abused eye. The touching is almost sensual - well, it might be in another, less painful situation.

That, and the fact Helios laughs awkwardly - awkwardly enough that Robert can tell he's uncomfortable, just barely - are enough to make Robert ask.] Are you certain? Because, there's, er... last week. [And a flush crawls over Robert's cheeks at the memories. Some of them had been downright exciting.]

I-I... meant to talk to you about that. But, b-but not at the moment. Right now you're injured. [Robert's voice is so very awkward when he says that, but he's still methodically cleaning Helios; gently, carefully and tenderly.]

Another draft? I'm sure she's alright, everyone does look after one another after all. [ Another less obvious wince and he almost pulls away at the close proximity. At least he can open his eye now--not that it matter. Helios will do so and it'll look cloudy as if he has a cataract. ]

It's f-fine. I'm used to getting banged up. [ Usually working with mythica is a dangerous job so there's that and magic can be tricky. There's also the scars on his arms. He groans a little at that.

Oh dear why did he have to mention it. ] You...you remember then. [ Helios will look downright embarrassed now there's no way of hiding it at this point. This was just a very bad time to talk about it because he was so tired and he often said things he wouldn't normally say when he's this tired. The last time this happened he let slip to Giles about Nero. ]

You don't seem surprised about my...skin. N-Not that I mind. It takes people by surprise so I-- [ never touch anyone. Haven't had contact with anyone for three years. It all sounds so ridiculous in his head so he doesn't say anything more. ]

[Robert's saddened to see the abused eye, milky instead of its normal pristine green.] So they did blind you in that eye. It looks as if you have a cataract.

[Robert frowns at the next part. It hurts to know that Helios gets injured often enough to be used to it, but he continues cleaning him.

And that next part makes Robert glance up, mildly embarrassed himself.] ... H-How could I forget? It was... wonderful. [That just kind of slipped out, and Robert flushes darker as he mumbles it. Touching Helios to clean him... it's making all the desire evident again - not as intense as it was, yes, but certainly enough to make his stomach lurch with anxiety.

As for Helios' skin temperature...] Ah, well, my only worry was that you were perhaps experiencing hypothermia, but if it is normal for you, then that is all that matters. Though I am curious as to why... [Robert looks at Helios then in a questioning way. Was it maybe related to Helios' magic?]

[ Helios brings up one hand to touch just beneath said eye a frown finding its way onto his features. ] It's rather funny because I have perfect vision normally. I suppose they like the irony of the situation. [ Helios however does not, at all. ]

I-I don't know. I just thought it might not have been anything worth remembering. [ Honestly he almost doesn't catch the last of Robert's response. He actually liked it? Helios wasn't expecting that. Helios had come to not expect a lot of things this was one of many. He himself almost looks apologetic because the fact that Robert liked it, and to what degree he still isn't certain, will make this whole thing so much worse. ]

N-No it isn't anything like that. [ Helios will wince; he doesn't want to talk about it especially not right now. ] Nothing. It's just me you know? [ A nervous laugh as his eyes go to Robert's arm. ]

Ah, Robert...your arms.

[Robert flashes a quick smile at that.] So you are like me then, in a way - I too have no need for my glasses, but I find them to be a comfort. [Still, it is pathetic that the Malnosso would do this, which makes Robert shake his head a little.

Helios' tone of voice seems to betray something - Robert wishes it was a message he could understand.] O-of course it's worth remembering, Helios... I mean, I would hope it was enjoyable for you as well - even though the Malnosso were responsible for most of my, er, forward behaviour... [And Robert blushes again, glancing downward. Part of him really, really wants to ask Helios - since Donatello essentially gave him the go-ahead to do so.

Helios just keeps sounding uncomfortable about the whole topic of his skin, too.] Is that so? What with all these different worlds, and the fact you have magic, I would hardly know what to expect from typical human biology. Still, if the temperature of this blood is anything to go by, your internal temperature seems to be close to a typical human range - I suppose it's only your skin, then? [~~Robert is blissfully oblivious to Helios' discomfort.~~

... And then...]

[Wait. Wait. Did... Did Helios just ask about that? Robert freezes mid-wipe.

...

Well. Of course. He hadn't thought about it at the time - or rather, he had but deemed Helios' safety more important - but Helios had gotten a damn good look at those scars.

Robert's expression turns to something like panic.]

... Y-yes? What... what about them? [As if it wasn't obvious. But Robert's mind wants to be evasive about it.

What would Helios even think...?]

[ Helios' eyes widen. Oh dear did he actually ask that out loud? Damn his tiredness and damn the Malnosso for doing this to him, to them. Last week was just making this so much harder because he couldn't stop thinking about it and he couldn't stop remembering it. ] Robert I-I'm so sorry I didn't mean to ask that...

[ Another laugh, almost bitter. He gives the other man a tired worn look. ] I sometimes say things when I'm this tired. It's none of my business--I shouldn't have.

I shouldn't have asked. I apologize.

... N-no, it's alright. [Robert knows his cheeks are burning a little.] I... I a-appreciate curiosity. It is most... admirable.

[He glances down. Part of him wants to trust Helios... he does care about the man a lot, and...] W-Well, it's, er, related to the mental issues I mentioned... B-But... it's... ... d-difficult, to talk about. [Unconsciously his fingers flicker to his wrists, stroking the old scars a little. Feeling where the skin puckers gently. Remembering needles sliding into flesh...]

It was uncalled for and inconsiderate of me. [ But he is still curious because his own...but, no, it really is none of his business. He will let the other tell him on his own time should he ever feel the need to or want to.

Helios' eyebrows raise a little at that. Mental issues? God he probably just opened up so many old wounds for the other--how could he be so inconsiderate like that? ]

Oh. I-I didn't know. [ He won't watch, or at least try not to with his one eye. ] I hope I haven't caused you-- [ He shakes his head the motion making his head spin probably from the blood lose. ] --of course I have. Robert, I'm truly sorry.

H-Hardly... I haven't had, er, many friends... [... really, he hasn't had any until now...] ... but f-friends ask questions like that. Out of, er, wishing to comprehend their friends' lives. I, er, d-don't find it an issue to... ask. [He just finds it an issue to talk about.]

A-At any rate, it's hardly anything you would b-be expected to know about. So please, there's hardly any need to apologize.

B-Besides... I... I should... I should trust s-someone I mean to, er, ask about p-possibly being my partner, shouldn't I? [And Robert blushes fiercely.]

A-Anyway... now that m-most of the blood's gone, I should, er, see about any other injuries you have...

[ Helios will smile and it's at least a comforting smile at that. ] They do, yes. But you hardly have to talk about if you don't wish to.

[ Wait what? His partner? He couldn't possibly mean. Helios has a very profound and confused look on his face. There might be some embarrassment mixed in as well it's hard to really tell. ] P-Pardon?

Ahh y-yes other...injuries. I-I should be fine to take care of those. You've done enough as it is! [ He does not need Robert seeing his own scars. Because they, unlike Robert's, are very profound and horrible looking. ]

It's... not that I don't wish to... [How do you find words for this?] J-just, difficult. [So much baggage around it. So many mistakes that Robert would rather not admit.]

Ah. ... P-perhaps that isn't a term you're familiar with, Helios?

I... I wasn't going to speak of it now, but you s-seem to have recovered s-somewhat, and... [Robert flushes, glancing away slightly.] W-Well, I spoke with... with Donatello. On the day after the... experiments ended. The... V-Valentine's experiments, that is. And I c-came to the conclusion I was, er, still... l-legitimately attracted to both you and Don and I asked him about whether we could p-possibly be... in a r-relationship in the future and then I wondered p-perhaps if you could be included - th-though, normally I'm not p-polyamorous but, er, I'm c-certainly not adverse and maybethatwouldbealrightI'mnotcertainbutofcourseit'suptoyouand...

[Robert trails off, breathing shakily.]

I, I... ah... I... h-hope that it isn't, e-er, a problem. [He really hopes it isn't a problem.]

A-And... nonsense. I'd, I... would w-wish to help you. It's hardly a burden, I d-don't mind at all... [Not like Robert's scars aren't horrible-looking.]

Things like that are always difficult. The circumstances around them and such. [ A warm smile he can at least manage that much.

He holds up his hands while laughing. ] N-No I am. I'm just...confused.

[ Oh dear this just got so much worse. He still feelings for him, of all people to have feelings for? Helios looks so conflicted right now. How is he supposed to even begin saying why this could never happen? Why was this happening? It was always the Malnosso and yet this was also his fault. It would also be his fault. A shaky exhale from him. ]

Um...R-Robert I-I can't. I'm so sorry. I just can't...lie and tell you there isn't a problem. B-But it's not you. [ Helios will look at his hand still a little crusted with blood. He looks terrible because he had hoped this wouldn't have happened. Robert didn't deserve him anyway, cold unfeeling and hardly anything special. He was unable to return any such feelings the other had for him. Nothing from Valentine's day stuck; it was all the Malnosso's fault. He looks back at the other man a very sullen expression on his face. He will shift and try to get up then wincing as he does so. He doesn't...he doesn't want to burden Robert anymore especially now that he knows the other's feelings. ]

I can understand if you don't wish to after this. It's understandable.

Ah...

[Robert's face falls. It's a punch in the gut to hear that. Outright rejection. The same kind of painfully blunt rejection that Benjamin gave him after their final argument.

And then of course, Robert had run away.]

Helios... ... [Robert reaches out, haltingly, to try to take his bloodied hand, and stops midway, his fingers just hanging there shakily.] ... W-What did I... do wrong? [Because there's no way it isn't him. There's no way this wonderful man could ever be at fault.]

... or... o-or is there someone else and y-you're, you're already involved? [Frederic, maybe? Robert doesn't know but he feels ashamed, ashamed for asking. Ashamed for still wanting Helios even now, wanting to kiss him again, bloody or otherwise.]

B-But regardless if you don't w-want to it's fine... I p-probably don't deserve you anyway, Helios. You're... j-just so wonderful that I...

[Robert has to stop to wipe a few small, hot tears away. This shouldn't hurt. Helios has the right to turn him down. But gods rejection hurts. It hurts like swallowing shrapnel.]

... no. N-no, it's... it's alright. I... I still want to help you. You're... s-still my... my friend, right...? ... that... that means enough to me, it's... it's no trouble... [It's not even a lie; his feelings are too obvious. It's more just outright denial. But at the same time Robert does value Helios' friendship... he just wishes that, whatever he'd done to hurt his chances of it being more, that he hadn't done it.]

[ He is at fault he will always be at fault. He is a murderer and nothing more. Wonderful isn't indicative to him and yet Helios can't help but blink back a few tears. This is digging up so many things for him; so many memories and unwanted pains. Pains in his chest, pains on his arms and everywhere else. He was just so--so tired. All he wanted to do was rest. ]

It's not you. [ He might clench his hands into fists biting his lip almost dangerously close to splitting it open. ] It's me. It's always me. Robert you...you never did anything wrong. I-If anything you allowed me to have memories of being loved again. You allowed me...to be able to give it to someone again. I-I just...can't feel it anymore.

[ He looks very tired now along with extremely sad and lonely. He feels terrible to even say such a thing. It was all just a big mess wasn't it? Another shaky sigh escapes his lips. ] There used to be someone. [ Elise. God he misses her so much. He wishes she was here sometimes. But this place is horrid; he could never put her through this. ]

You're better off with Donatello. He can at least return those feelings to you. I'm...definately not worth anyone's time. Especially not someone like yourself who's capable of holding so much love...enough for two people at that. I had my chance. You shouldn't waste yours either.

I-I never said I wasn't going to continue being that. You're a rather wonderful person to talk to, Robert. I would enjoy still being your friend. [ Because that's all he ever can be to anyone. He'll go quiet looking at the floor still. If only Robert hadn't fallen for him; he wouldn't be experiencing this pain. ]

[Robert sees those tears in Helios' eyes - both his usable one and the blinded one - and his metaphorical heart bleeds. Helios, don't cry. It's alright.

Robert shakes his head, not understanding.] ... not... anymore? [Why not? That's the unspoken question.] B-but, but Helios... you... you deserve to be loved...

[Used to be. Used to be. Helios was alone, just like he had been.] ... There was a someone for me, before here... b-but... but then I... ... I ruined it. [Somehow Donatello still wanted him but he'd ruined his last relationship and feeling this again maybe he'd ruin it for him too and he didn't want to ruin it for a wonderful person like that... And Helios. Helios looked exhausted.]

Th-that's not true, Helios. You... y-you're certainly worth someone's time... I don't understand why you don't f-feel that way. There's... nothing wrong with you in a-any way at all that I can see. Just, just a kind, gentle, w-warmhearted... [He trails off, his voice low. He's beautiful. How could Helios ever feel like he wasn't deserving of love?]

... [And after a long pause:] ... I... I'd enjoy that t-too, Helios. [And Robert hesitantly, gently, takes Helios' cold, bloodied hand in his own. He wants to embrace Helios, kiss him, tell him he's wonderful - he doesn't. He just holds Helios' hand and wishes that those feelings could be communicated somehow.]

[ Helios will shake his head eyes closed. ] No. Not anymore. Do I really deserve it? I do wonder that myself sometimes. [ Did the man who killed his soul mate really deserve a second chance at that? It all seemed too good for someone like him. ] Then we're the same in those regards.

Ah that's very kind of you to say so Robert. A second chance...I would like that but I doubt I-I deserve one. [ He simply sounds tired now; not upset or even mournful but just...tired.

He blinks as Robert grabs his bloodied hand and he looks at back at him with a smile. It doesn't fade like the previous ones however. ] If only it were in better circumstance. The Malnosso make everything so much more difficult it seems. But I do enjoy your company and I would like to continue to keep it.

I think you do. [Robert tries to make his tone full of conviction, though his voice is a little forced - rejection is still eating at him, after all, even if Helios seems to have a legitimate reason to do so.] Perhaps you've come to a different conclusion, but I... truly cannot see why.

Nobody deserves to be alone. Especially not a person like yourself.

[The tiredness in Helios' voice is bringing out Robert's paternal, protective instincts. He smiles weakly, trying to reassure him a little.] The Malnosso torture us. But I... ... c-can't deny that these feelings are real. Unless, unless the Malnosso just gave them to me as well. Perhaps they did... but I would l-like to think there's enough e-empirical evidence to ascertain their existence... [Robert curls his fingers in Helios' slowly. How does one show that one cares deeply for someone properly, anyway?]

... but, you sound utterly exhausted, Helios. [Robert appraises Helios' body again; though the washing and sterilizing appears to have stopped his bleeding, there are still numerous bruises peppering his skin and Robert can still see blood soaking through patches of his sweater.] I'd... be more than willing to assist you further if at all possible. It... isn't any trouble for me.

I suppose you might be right about that. I...I'm not really sure anymore. [ Robert can't see why because he doesn't know the whole truth. Possibly one day though Helios might tell him. ]

They do it without respite without any care of the consequences. I just don't understand why. How is any of this going to help us or even make us want to fight their war? [ Another tired and frustrated sigh. ] If only there was a way to speak with them equally. [ Helios' hand and arm might twitch at Robert's movements and he might slightly pull back a little. ]

Ah--no! No that's not necessary. I'm much better. I...I should be able to take care of things from here. [ Is he being too obvious that he's uncomfortable? Helios will smile though rubbing the back of his head with his left hand. ] I've already caused you enough trouble. And I should probably get back.

[Maybe one day they'll both trust each other enough to share these kinds of dark parts of themselves. ~~As it is, they both have enough buried traumas to last awhile.~~]

At this point it hardly seems to me that the Malnosso particularly care about how we feel about much of anything. The one Malnossian scientist I spoke to offered me absolutely nothing constructive. [Robert snorts to himself.] Perhaps I would fare better speaking to the one called "John".

[As Helios tugs away, Robert glances up at him anxiously.] You... haven't caused me any trouble at all, Helios. I simply wish to help you... Call it repayment for being so kind to me, perhaps. [Because Robert can't show his feelings in any other way, right now.]

At the least I could help escort you back to your apartment... and perhaps make tea for you if Mr. Chopin hasn't already. [Not that Robert isn't jealous of that closeness or anything. Nope.]

[ Perhaps that will be the case one of these days. ]

Very true. Though if they allowed us to possibly help them we might all find a way back home more quickly.

[ Helios might chuckle almost sounding like his old self. ] I made you run out in the snow and help me when I was bleeding. It's a very big trouble to you. [ He lets out a deep sigh. ] But thank you for helping me. I-I really appreciate everything. [ He'll smile looking at the floor his head will perk up at the mention of tea. ]

Ah...tea would be wonderful! I could definately use some.

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