folklorist | ϡ - chapter thirteen; rememberance [action|written]

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ϡ - chapter thirteen; rememberance [action|written]

[ Around mid-afternoon Helios will be making his way across town with a small bundle of flowers in his hands. It might seem a bit odd, random even, but today is a rather...hard day for him; regardless he does have a small smile on his face as he makes his way through town. There's soft hum coming from his lips, absentmindedly and almost indistinguishably if you're not close enough. It's a soft melody and peaceful, or as peaceful as he can manage it to be. He has his journal with him just in case anything goes wrong.

He pauses momentarily at the edge of town, looking back almost as if he's thinking of making a post but...he decides against it for now. And then he turns and heads off into the forest.

He'll return later with one lone flower still in between his fingers and some dirt on both pant legs and his hands. He takes a seat by the fountain in the town square idly looking at his journal and of course the flower he is twirling unmindful with his pointer finger and thumb of his left hand. ]

If you could go back and change one event in your life, would you? Or would leave it as a reminder or perhaps a lesson learned? History is known for teaching us our past mistakes and also to be used in helping us in the future as well. History repeats itself as the saying goes.

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Yes that make sense. Things that are tragic often make us wish we could have forestalled them, or even done something to alter the event. Then again the tragedy also could have been teaching a lesson as well.

Been through both, unfortunately. Side effect of living in a place like Sunnydale.

If there was nothing you could have done to prevent the event, then there can't really have been a lesson to it.

On the other hand, looking back, it's all too easy to see things you could have done differently.

I can only imagine especially with a Hellmouth there to boot. [ He pauses in writing a response because he could have done something to prevent it. ]

It's not always easy to look back on things, wondering what we missed or could have changed. But to not do so would be a blatant disregard for whatever it was we lost.

Yes, I suppose it would. Even if the mistakes you made were minor, you owe it to everyone not to make them again. [And Giles has to pause, at that - three people close to him have died all because he did something wrong] I suppose the lesson isn't always obvious, then.

Helios, are you all right? What's brought this on?

Learning from one's mistakes...cruel yet needed. [ He pauses before continuing. ] If we did everything perfectly the first time nothing would be different, then again everything would be as how you wanted it. But we would possibly be empty, without emotions or character, due to the altering of them through our mistakes.

[ There's some blotches as he wants to write something, but then quickly scribbles a reply. ] Yes I'm all right, nothing to worry about. I was just thinking about something. [ He is a failtastic liar even through writing. ]

I suppose you're right. I know my mistakes have certainly done a lot to make me who I am. On the other hand, a lot of what they've done hasn't exactly been positive.

Mistakes hardly are. [ A small momentary pause before he writes the next question. ] Do you think it would it be selfish...to want to change something so that you're happy? But the change doesn't effect too many people, but all the same asking for a second chance when rarely we're ever given it. Is that more selfish than just coping like everyone else?

Something like letting someone live who would otherwise have died?

[ Oh god that hits home pretty hard so give him a few minutes to respond Giles. ]

Yes...something like that.

[Giles doesn't notice - his reply was entirely personal, after all, and now he's trying to get that old, familiar litany of "why did you leave her there?" out of his head]

For something like that?

No, it's not selfish. It's often futile, and that can be even worse, but it's not selfish.

I want to think it isn't, but I know that's not true, because we really cannot change the past. Hypothetically speaking if we could, I would.

But some part of me wishes everyday that it wasn't futile.

I understand. And wanting to change things, wanting to make them better, is normal. The past can't be changed - that doesn't stop us wishing for it.

But acting on those desires is always more problematic than it seems. Sometimes it just makes things worse. [But even that's a gray area now]

[Then, after a pause, Giles writes in another note] Helios, where are you?

[ He reads the response and it's all so very true. It takes him a few moments to reply, to get his thoughts back in some order. ]

In town by the fountain.

I just realized that this is the second time we've spoken and we've never actually met in person. Do you mind?

Oh no not at all. I do apologize for the mood. [ He wouldn't mind the company at all right now however. ]

[Helios then doesn't get a reply for several minutes, and that's because Giles has left his apartment and is heading for the fountain and the square. He sits down next to Helios, but gives him a bit of space]

There. That's better.

There's no need to apologize, by the way.

[ He'll look up from his position and watch as the other man takes a sit beside him. ]

It's nice to finally meet you in person, Giles. Oh I--I'm not one for being this way but [ he pauses briefly. ]--thank you.

[Giles shrugs] Happy to help, if I did. [He notices the dirt stains, and the flower, but doesn't say anything about them just yet]

[He knows the answer, but he asks anyway, now that he can actually see Helios respond] Are you all right?

You did and I thank you for that. Especially when I'm somewhat of a stranger still. [ He laughs for a brief moment before looking back down at that flower in his hand. His shoulders hunch a little but the expression on his face is one of neutrality and peace. ]

Oh! Yes I'm quite all right, really. I sometimes tend to over think certain things.

Outside of my friends from home, you're actually one of the most interesting people I've spoken with so far.

I over think things all the time, if it's any help.

[ Helios will give you a sheepish laugh at that Giles. ] Oh I'm sure you'll meet loads of interesting people here. The worlds some of them come from are absolutely astounding.

People usually get angry at me for over thinking things on this-ah well today, and most other days too.

You did say you were a teacher. Over thinking is probably a part of your job. Especially from what you've told me about the school you ran.

But there is a point where over thinking can become...harmful. To everyone. [Especially considering Helios' current frame of mind]

Among other things. [ He laughs at that because thinking is just the tip of the iceberg. ]

Ah--mm yes you've certainly got a point. I suppose I should have kept such questions to myself. I'd feel just dreadful thinking it could cause harm to anyone here.

Questioning is fine. Wishing is fine. But if it takes you to the point where you're willing to endanger people because you refuse to see the what's really going on, then...

[And at that point, Giles shuts up. Because he realizes that he's overidentifying way too much with Helios right now]

[ Helios gives Giles a sympathetic look, shaking his head a little. ] Giles you... [ He doesn't ask because it might be something the other doesn't want to reveal to someone he's only just met. He knows how that is and respects it. ]

Endanger people...no I wouldn't, but you are right. Taking it to such a level, she wouldn't have wanted me to do something like that. I--couldn't imagine doing something like that. [ He stops and merely sighs. ]

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