folklorist | ϡ - Chapter ThirtyThree; An Unusual Return [Action|Voice] (backdated to early afternoon)

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ϡ - Chapter ThirtyThree; An Unusual Return [Action|Voice] (backdated to early afternoon)

[Action: Locked to Robert and Helios]

[ It’s a normal day and everyone has gone back to their own worlds. The cacophony of unknown voices over the journals has ceased and there is simply silence. But it’s not as if either of these two would have remembered. They were both taken by the droids just before such events took place, and were replaced with ones that looked and acted just like them. No one knew they were gone and no one would have to.

Except…except things weren’t exactly right upon their return. They usually never were, to be fair. But this, this was something beyond anything Helios thought the Malnosso were capable of.

He was… he was warm...and the pain... The pain was gone; that constant dull pain that had been a part of his life for as long as he could remember...for as long as Elise has been gone. It wasn’t right.

Something is so very wrong right now, and he doesn’t know what to do.

Helios looks over at the scientist lying off to the side and he finally realizes that they’re in some random, empty, unclaimed house. Robert is sprawled on his side, wings twitching a little under his lab coat, but he otherwise looks normal.

It's only when Helios stoops close to shake him gently awake that he realizes something is wrong with him, too. Robert's hands are deathly cold against his palms...just like his usually are.

...They're going to have to talk.]

[Later action: Open to all]

[Eventually, Robert and Helios walk out of the building together, composed (enough) and ready to face all the inevitable accusations...though they will be very careful and recalcitrant about any major questions. And also a little reluctant to leave each other alone...especially not in their current conditions. Feel free to run into either of them on their meandering way back to House 55...they'd love the company.]

[Eventually, however, they'll get inside and be able to fish out Robert's journal...and then Helios fetches the journal to say a few words.]

Where is it? Oh! Yes it's on. [ He's always a bit more absentminded when there's a lot on his mind, forgive him. ]

It's b-been two days? N-No…around three, I believe. Ah, well, we’re both back. We’re both f-fine and, and there’s nothing to worry about! [ Oh yes. Nothing at all. ] W-We meaning Robert and I. H-He’s fine and-and if you want to speak with him you can. The Malnosso left us in better shape than usual. Ha...perhaps they are learning how to be compassionate. [ A light chuckle. ]

Yes, well, d-did anything happen? Is everyone…is everyone alright? [ A lot can happen in two days in Luceti after all. ]

[ OOC: Robert and Helios return from their mallynap! Feel free to specify in the subject line of your reply where your character is and who you want your character to talk to – either will talk if asked, though most action replies will probably be three-way threads.]

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[ The emptiness is oh so apparent within him. That laboring pressure and pain his soul caused was gone. Who knows for how long and he somehow selfishly wants it to stay that way. But, no, not at this expense. It was his burden not anyone elses and for the Malnosso to do this to them.

He startles from his thoughts as he feels the shocking cold of Robert's fingers brush against his hand. Helios almost jerks away in response to such a jarring temperature change. That's...what he felt like to people? ] I-I think.

[ He pauses not sure if he should continue. Because what he's about to say will open up so many more questions, questions he can't possibly deflect from answering. Not with Robert in the condition that he's in. Helios doesn't have the heart to lie about this right now and so. ] I think they gave you...m-my soul. O-Or at least s-something similar. [ He doesn't understand how they could have. The mechanics behind it seemed impossible. But here they both were exhibiting symptoms that neither of each other as they were previously. ]

[Helios' skin is shockingly warm against his fingers, a stark contrast to the air - which almost feels neutrally heated - and his own skin. Almost as warm as his own breath had felt...

His mind is reeling. What does this mean? He has Helios' soul? Why would having a soul make anyone cold like this? Or is Helios' soul... different...?

...

Why?]

... But... b-but... ... how...? ... How can you... t-tell...?

We both know I have no s-soul... [Cheyenne even proved it; she couldn't see one.] ... Does... does this m-mean you are... soulless, now...?

[It's a strange sort of irony. Robert always wondered what having something so abstract would be like.]

You have...you have my c-cold skin. A-And...the pain. You feel it, don't you? [ He whispers that question looking at Robert's freezing hand against his own. ] And I-I can't...I can't feel anything. It's as if nothing is there.

[ Granted the only true way he ever knew was from the pain. But it was clear as day that either his soul had be cured or...they were switched by the Malnosso. He thinks on it and then holds out his hand, palm up, as if he's about ready to cast a fireball spell. His eyes don't alight with any power. And he gasps as looking taken aback at the fact that...no, no he can't use his magic. ]

[Robert nods at Helios' questioning tone. He does feel the pain - and he doesn't understand. No matter what he does, it's always there...

But what Helios does next surprises him. He remembers seeing this happen before when Helios attempted to demonstrate his magic - but unlike that time, nothing happens at all.

... Helios can't cast magic.]

...

... They... [His voice is incredulous.] ... They r-really did switch us...

[... Well, or something close enough, anyway.]

...

...

[After a long moment Robert murmurs:] ... What... what do I d-do...?

[ He isn't going to panic. No, no, everything will be fine. Everything usually is. Still the notion of not being able to use his magic all but makes his stomach drop. What does he do? That's a very good question. He looks at Robert, clearly anxious, as he tries to convey all his sincerest apologies. ] Y-You can't touch anyone. Please. J-Just...I-I don't, I-I don't want anyone to ask questions and I...

[ He doesn't want anyone finding out. God if anyone else did there would be so many questions. Helios gnaws on his lip. ] I-I'm sorry. That's horribly un-unfair of me.

[ But what else was there to do to keep people from knowing? It's what he's done for several years but it is unfair, for Robert, to have to do the same thing. Horribly unfair. ] I-I shouldn't have said that. S-Sorry. [ And more importantly...what does he do about the pain the other is in? ]

Edited 2012-01-31 22:29 (UTC)

[Can't touch anyone... Some part of Robert aches at that. It's already been long enough since he's had proper contact, and now he basically is being told to cease even that...

... Shivering, he nods slowly. Helios' privacy comes first, here, before any of his needs. And yet...]

... I will... t-try to refrain from... having c-contact with anybody...

... [Softly:] ... But, but y-you... won't it be obvious, if... if you cannot cast magic?

[And who knows what other effects it has.]

What should I t-tell people if they do notice...?

I'm sorry. [ He looks so terribly guilty about this. What was he thinking? Robert was so used to doing it. It was like asking Helios to not write sigils or spells. Something so integral shouldn't be taken away. No there had to be another way. ] I-I can't, I shouldn't ask that of you. M-Maybe we can just...not go into details about it.

[ He bites his lip also shivering but from a more profound cold that he can actually feel again. ]

I-I don't have to cast magic f-for however long it takes. I-I can just, just say it's another effect of b-being taken. [ Albeit he doesn't want to alarm people with that. But he's gone through a worse effect where his magic actually hurt him. ]

It'll be alright. W-We can...we can get through this.

I can... r-refrain from mentioning things, if... if that makes it... easier...

... B-But... is there, er, anything I... n-need to know? Anything that... that this c-condition puts me... at risk for...?

[Softly:] A-Anything to... do about the pain...? [Because the pain is the most alarming part right now. If it's not coming from somewhere, what's causing it?

And how does Helios live with it?]

I-It w-would. But it's...it's not fair to you. [ None of this is fair to you. ] A-And no it's...it's nothing like that. Nothing is at risk...

[ Helios visibly winces. The pain. It's horrible and he's never done anything for it aside from blotting it out with keeping himself busy. ] I-I don't. I could...find something, perhaps. T-To help. [ But he knows it's a useless endeavor. But it's something Robert could use hearing right now. ]

[All Robert wants is the reassurance that he's not breaking, because he doesn't understand his own body anymore and he's afraid.]

... C-Could... could you tell me... m-more about this, or... [His voice wavers then, hesitantly:] ... i-is it... not something you can... e-explain...?

...

... You... do not... n-need to tell me, I just... I do not w-want to cause problems...

[But he wants to know, too. He wants to know what's happening to his body.]

[ Oh Robert where does he even start? His eyes sting just thinking about going into details on what exactly it is the other has. He could lie, lie and say it was the side effect of some spell which is was to some degree. But it wouldn't be right to lie about it, not when Robert is the one bearing his mistake and sin.

Helios lets out a shaky sigh closing his eyes and leaning against the wall as much as his wings will allow him to. The twitch and move in anxiousness that probably conveys all of Helios' inner turmoil right now. ] I...I-I got it...f-from a spell that, that went horribly wrong.

[ Just a hitched breath as he opens his green eyes again and looks down at the floor. ]

[A spell that went wrong...

Robert's first instinct is to comfort Helios. He doesn't understand how magic could do that to a person, but Helios is the expert on magic between the two of them - at least magic from his world.]

... And it... c-caused these effects, wh-when... it failed...?

[Slowly, Robert crosses the distance to Helios, trying to put his arms around him to hold him, to tell him it doesn't matter, that Robert doesn't care.]

... I am... s-so sorry you... have to live with pain...

It...it did. [ Well the thing that came from it caused the effects. ] And it didn't.

[ Helios flinches, moves away. He doesn't deserve those words spoken to him. Especially not by Robert of all people. ] S-Stop. Don't.

[ He just...folds a little in one himself biting his lip and gripping his folded arms with strangely warm hands. ] It was all my fault.

[ A shaky sigh. ] I-I deserved it. But she...she didn't. [ Why couldn't he have been the one to die? Why was he allowed to live and not her? ]

[Helios' voice makes Robert hold himself in place, and his chest aches. He's still sorry, but he doesn't say anything, yet - just listens to Helios' words.

... She...? Does... does he mean... Elise...?]

I am... c-certain you... d-did not mean to cause... ... wh-whatever occurred. Absolutely c-certain...

... You are... n-not that kind of... person...

[Softly:] A-And, and... I have m-made mistakes like this... o-on purpose.

... I pushed... p-pushed Benjamin away... f-f-forever...

It doesn't matter! [ He brings a hand to his mouth at the utter anger and resentment just spouted in that statement. He just...looks apologetically at Robert. ] I didn't. It d-doesn't make it fine though. It...it won't bring her back. Nothing will.

I was an idiot. And she...she told me not to do it. Told me it was dangerous and I did it anyway. [ And look at where it got him. He watches Robert as he says that. Benjamin... ] I'm sorry.

... It is... s-sometimes difficult to predict what will happen, and... a-and sometimes, you are so eager to... to o-obtain a result, that... that you end up d-damaging the experiment in the process, and...

[Robert trails off, his voice wet and thick. What exactly is Helios saying? "Bring her back"...?]

...

... H-Helios...

[He tries to get a little closer again, close enough to feel the heat of Helios' breath.]

... th-there... there are reasons you... r-rarely see me expose my a-arms...

[His gaze ticks down to the floor, even as his voice breaks a few times trying to explain.]

... Th-the, the... ... ph-physical signs of... of my m-mistakes, my... failure, my... m-my destruction of... of almost a-any chance I had...

... I... I almost... I a-almost lost everything, b-because... because I was an idiot... b-because I could not stop...

... a-and, and when I did stop, I... I lost Benjamin. He... [- and his voice breaks again, and he sobs once, tightly -] ... d-did not... w-want me anymore...

... y-you are... not alone...

Edited 2012-02-02 05:39 (UTC)

[ The tone of the other lets Helios lower his defenses just slightly. Robert...he could feel all that pain, all that heartache because he knows it too. It was all there in the others voice and gods it's his fault for having Robert even talk about it. ]

I-I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to, to make you remember.

[ But gods they are the same. ] E-Elise she's...she's gone. Forever. And it's-it's all my fault. I was so s-stupid.

[ There. Said it. He can't help the choked back sob or the tears that threaten to fall from his eyes. For that admission. The pain the flashbacks of that night. Everything threatens to consume him right there and then. He shouldn't be alive. He shouldn't be the one sitting here right now. ] I'm so sorry. Y-You don't-don't deserve to bear my m-mistake. [ He bites his lip. ] I'm sorry that, that we're the same.

[They are more similar than Robert could have ever thought. So similar, and yet so different; such different reasons, such different situations, and yet with striking parallels - painful mirror images, each a reflection of each other's failures. It's enough to make the ache in his chest triple itself.

It is only the second time that Robert has ever admitted it aloud.]

N-No... I... I-I wanted to tell you, I w-wanted you to know...

[... But Helios... Helios' mistake led to Elise's death... no wonder it was never something he spoke about. Somehow, though, Robert can't feel anything but sympathy; can't feel anything but the knowledge that Helios is like him....]

... H-Helios... i-if, if I had known... th-then, then I would... w-would have helped. I... I would have... [- his throat clenches a moment; tears threaten to fall.] ... d-done anything...

Th-this, this is something... s-something I can take away, awhile...

[And perhaps, in some sick way, it can be penitence for him.]

I m-made mistakes too. A-And, and I was never... p-punished for them...

... There is... o-one... d-difference between us. You... you did not do anything to hurt E-Elise... on purpose.

I... I d-deliberately left Benjamin, because... the d-drugs...

[He trails off, ashamed of himself and his words. What will Helios think of him? (Could he have guessed? Did he figure it out already?)]

I-I didn't deserve a-any help. N-No one...no one did anyway. [ Those words hurt. Help. If only he had help. No one helped him when it happened. No one cared. He was supposed to be sentenced to death for what he did and it was Nero who so horribly caused him to live with this curse. Not the Council but his own brother. He can't stop a few tears from falling down his face at that.

No one ever helped.

Helios blinks looking back at Robert with widened eyes and shock. Drugs? ] Gods Robert...I-I didn't realize. I'm s-sorry.

[ He'd never judge Robert for something like that, not ever, not now. He just wipes at the strays tears and shifts in his position against the wall. They really were quite miserable, weren't they? ]

[He's said this much. He may as well say more.]

F-Five years, Helios. Five years...

... I-I... I c-could not control... m-my usage... ... It was t-too easy for me, to be... c-consumed by them; they... they made me feel like... a n-normal [- he stumbles over the word -] person, because... b-because then I could talk to people w-without being so afraid, and...

[He trails off a moment.]

... I... I th-thought if, if I didn't, then... th-then Benjamin wouldn't... l-love me, anymore.

... And... and I-I was... right...

[The floodgates break, then. It's too much; Robert just curls forward and weeps into his cupped, cold hands.

The tears feel strangely hot on his face.]

Oh Robert... [ He can't let this slide. He'll embrace the other in a very tight hug despite the awkwardness and despite his own heartache. It made sense...everything made sense now about how Robert acted. ]

I'm so sorry. I-I know that won't take away the pain but I-I truly am. You didn't deserve that. N-No one like yourself deserves that.

[And some of Helios' life makes sense too, now. What a pity it had to come out like this...

Robert buries himself in Helios' comforting, familiar chest. It's warmer than it should be, but he's not going to let that bother him right now. Helios is here and Helios is easing the pain of these memories... hopefully he can do the same for him.]

Y-You... you do not d-deserve what happened to you, either...

... d-do... do you see why I... wh-why I think we are both... e-equal, now...?

[ He looks down at Robert with a small fleeting sorrowful smile. ] I'm not so sure about that. All I've ever been told was that I did deserve, and maybe they were right. I knew the dangers I knew things could go wrong and I even had Elise tell me that.

I'm sorry that we are the same. I'm sorry for what you had to go through. [ He might be awkward in his movements but he gives Robert a slight hug, it's nothing monumental but it's at least there. ]

[Anything, right now. Robert just wants the comfort.

He pauses to regulate his breathing, to let the initial crashing tide of sadness slow to a trickle, and then manages a broken little smile up at Helios.]

... p-perhaps someone should... tell you d-differently...

... ... thank you... f-for... for trusting me, H-Helios.

I... I will keep your... s-secrets.

[All of them, this... new darkness inside him included.]

[ He'll offer a small smile back just as broken as Robert's. ]

Thank you Robert.

[Action]

semper_cogitans - 2012-02-13 02:13 (UTC) - Expand

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